TOP TEN REASONS WHY THERE WON'T BE AN ASIAN PRESIDENT ANYTIME SOON 10. White House not big enough for in-laws 9. Engineering, medicine, and law always preferred over politics 8. Oval Office has bad feng shui 7. Can't find decent roast duck inside the beltway 6. Secret service can't handle nagging from mother 5. Dignitaries generally intimidated by chopsticks at state dinners 4. No chance for promotion 3. Lactose intolerance not considered politically correct 2. Senior aides won't take off shoes before coming in 1. Air Force One: No frequent flyer miles HOW TO BE THE PERFECT ASIAN AMERICAN PARENT? (From the second generation perspective) 1. Be a little more lenient on the 7:00 p.m. curfew. 2. Don't ask where the other point went when your child comes home with 99 grade on his/her report card. 3. Don't "ai-yah" loudly at your kid's dress habits. 4. Don't blatantly hint about the merits of Habad (Harvard), Yeil(Yale), Purinsiton (Princeton), or Stamfud (Stanford). 5. Don't reveal all the intimate details of your kid's life to the entire Asian community. 6. Don't ask your child, "What are you going to do with your life?" If he/she majors in a non-science field. 7. Don't give your son a bowl haircut or your daughter two acres of bangs. 8. Don't try to set your kid up on a date in anticipation of their poor taste or inept social skills 9. Incorporate other phrases besides, "Did you study yet?" or "When are you getting married?" into your daily conversations with your children. 10. Don't ask all your kid's friends over the age of 21 if they have a boy/girlfriend yet. 50 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU'RE AN "ASIAN" (* The NEW List from the 1st to 1.5 Generation Perspective*) 1. You were/are a good student with very high GPAs 2. You majored in something practical like engineering, medicine or finance 3. You have more than one-college degrees, especially more than one Master's 4. If you play a musical instrument, it must be piano 5. You have a vinyl table clothe on your kitchen table 6. Your stove is covered with aluminum foil 7. Your kitchen has a sticky film of grease over it 8. You beat eggs with chopsticks 9. You always leave outdoor shoes at the door 10. You use the dishwasher as a dish rack 11. You keep a Thermos of hot water available at all times 12. You boil water before drinking 13. You eat all meals in the kitchen to keep your dining room clean 14. You don't use measuring cups when preparing foods 15. You save grocery bags and use them to hold garbage 16. You have a rice cooker 17. You're a wok user 18. You fight over who pays the dinner bill 19. You wash rice 2-3 times before cooking it 20. You make sounds when you have a bowl of soup. 21. Your don't dry-clean cloths, even if they need to be dry-cleaned 22. You iron your own shirts 23. You like congee (Zhou1) with thousand year old eggs Song1Hua1) 24. You always cook yourself, even if you hate it 25. You use credit cards, and pay monthly bills in full 26. You keep most of your money in a savings account 27. You buy Christmas cards after Christmas, when they are 50% off 28. When you hand wash dishes, you only use cold water 29. You hate to waste food a) Even if you're totally full, if someone says they're going to throw away the leftovers on the table, you'll finish them b) You have Tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice or one leftover chicken wing 30. You don't own any real Tupperware--only a cupboard full of used but carefully rinsed margarine tubs, takeout containers, and jam jars 31. You also use the jam jars as drinking glasses 32. When toilet paper is on sale, you buy 100 rolls and store them 33. You have a collection of miniature shampoo/conditioner bottles and little soap bars that you take every time you stay in a hotel 34. The condiments in your fridge are either Price Club sized or come in plastic packets, which you "save" every time you get take out or go to McDonald's. 35. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (and travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes) 36. You spit bones and other food scraps on the table 37. Your dad thinks he can fix everything himself 38. When you go to a dance party, there is a wall of guys surrounding the dance floor trying to look cool. 39. Your house/apt. is always cold in winter, and hot in summer 40. Your mom drives her Mercedes to Price Club, or Shoppers Food Warehouse regardless how far it is, even if Safeway is next door. 41. You always look phone numbers up in the phonebook, since calling Directory Assistance costs 50 cents 42. You only make long distance calls after 11pm or during weekends 43. You prefer your shrimp with the heads and legs still attached. 44. You never call your parents just to say hi. 45. You think ONLY Japanese can make good CARS! 46. You use a colored face cloth every morning 47. You starve yourself before going to all-you-can-eat places. 48. You've joined a CD club at least once 49. You never discuss your love life with your parents AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST 50. You take this message and forward it to all your Asian friends.