Types Of Boyfriends


1) Joe Sensitive - "After I wash the dishes, let's cuddle, OK?"
    Also known as: Mr. Nice Guy, Family man, Honey, Darling, Soft-
                   boiled Egg, Snugglepup
    Advantages: Well-behaved; irons own shirts
    Disadvantages:  Irritatingly compassionate, wimpy


 2) Old Man Grumpus - "People are stupid. The world can go to hell.
                       Let's stay home and watch TV."
    Also known as: Grumbles, Sour puss, Stick-in-the-mud, Old Fogey,
                   Slow Mover. Jerk
    Advantages:  Stays put; predictable
    Disadvantages:  Royal pain in the ass


 3) Flinchy - "I--I'm sorry for whatever it was I did."
    Also known as:  Trembly, Creampuff, Hey you
    Advantages: Jumps entertainingly when startled
    Disadvantages: Easily spooked; surrenders without a struggle


 4) Bigfoot - "Shut yer trap, I'm thinkin'."
    Also known as: Chunk-style, Lummox, Ignoramus, Galoot, the Hulk,
                   Big 'n' Dumb
    Advantages: Can tote bales; is easily fooled
    Disadvantages: Can break you in half, sweats like a pig


 5) Lazybones - "Zzzzzz"
    Also known as: Lucky Dog, Parasite, Bum, Sponge, Snoozebucket,
                   Drug Addict
    Advantages: Well rested; easy target
    Disadvantages: Unlikely to fulfil your dreams


 6) The Sneak - "Who, me?"
    Also known as: Love Pirate, Snake, Rat, Slime, G-D Son of a Bitch
    Advantages: May feel pangs of guilt
    Disadvantages: May be having time of his life


 7) Ace of Hearts - "After I wash the dishes let's make love like
                     crazed weasels, OK?"
    Also known as: The Sizzler, Handyman, Dreamboat, Casanova, Monster
    Advantages: Perpetually aroused
    Disadvantages: Perpetually aroused


 8) The Dreamer - "Someday I'm going to be rich and famous.  I don't
                   know how, but--"
    Also known as: Struggling artist, Philosopher, Buffoon, Bag of
                   Wind, Fool
    Advantages: Tells good stories
    Disadvantages: Will turn into "Old Man Grumpus"


 9) Mr. Right - "While the servants wash the dishes, let's make love
                 like crazed weasels in my new yacht, ok?"
    Also known as: Mr. Perfect, Jim Dandy
    Advantages: Answer to a woman's prayer
    Disadvantages: Hunted to extinction