http://www.bway.net/~hunger/disney.html

When Walt Disney Studios released their version of The Hunchback of Notre
Dame, they laid waste to a sensitive and meaningful story intended for an
adult reader. Disney cuted-up the plot line, adding the kinds of
trite, tuneless songs, and dancing inanimate objects that persuade even
the most encephalitic five-year-old to take the thumb out of his mouth
long enough to wail mercilessly untill mommy and dad agree to buy the
video for ceaseless viewing. 

Herewith, for the perusal of Hollywood agents, are our suggested Disney
versions of other great novels. For what is an adult but an older child
with a larger shoe size and a grotesque cholesterol level? Our answering
machine is warmed up and waiting. 

 
       The Inferno by Dante Aligheri

       The poet Dante (the voice of Bruce Willis) is led by his friend
Virgil (the voice of Anthony Quinn) on a magical trip underground
to the land of "Heck." Among the delightful creatures they visit
are the lovebirds Paolo and Francesca (the voices of Andrew Dice Clay and
Rosie O'Donnell), the Crying Trees (the band Nirvana), and the Five
Singing Little Devils (the Jacksons). 

       Moby Dick by Herman Melville

       Crusty seafarer Captain Ahab (the voice of Dom Deluise) and his
lovely mermaid friend Fishtail (speaking voice of Brett Butler, singing
voice of Alanis Morrissette) take Ahab's young nephew Ishmael (Matthew
Broderick) on a delightful romp at sea in search of the legendary great
white whale MobyDick (voice of Robin Williams). Though songs of the
whale's evil temper and destructiveness are sung by many of the friendly
natives on the islands visited by the jolly crew, Moby turns out to be a
lonely, but lovable, giant. Ishmael learns an important lesson:
       Things aren't always as they appear!

       Animal Farm by George Orwell

       Pigs, chickens, horses -- all the familiar barnyard crowd -- are
the heroes of this charming celebration of teamwork and diversity.
The poor animals, having suffered for years on a failing farm under
the tyranny of the cruel farmer Jones (Robert Goulet), are suddenly
liberated when Jones trips and falls down a well.
       Though things are chaotic at first, the kindly young pigs Snowball
(Michael J. Fox) and Napoleon (Eddie Murphy) help the animals all work together
to turn the farm into a model of efficiency and happiness. After the
animals nurse Jones back to health, he changes his evil ways and promises
to treat all living things as his equal.

       Hamlet by William Shakespeare

       With his father dead and his evil uncle Claudius (Sylvester
Stallone) now ruling over the once-happy people of Denmark, all seems lost
for poor prince Hamlet (Johnny Depp). But Hamlet's father (Leslie
Nielson) is only pretending to be dead until he can safely help
place his young son on the throne and his evil brother in jail. Featuring
an underwater ballet with the beautiful Ophelia (Bette Midler) and the 
loony antics of a wise-guy skull named Yorick (Rodney Dangerfield), 
Hamlet's best friend. 

       No Exit by Jean-Paul Sartre

       Old friends Donald Duck, Daisy Duck, and Minnie Mouse are surprised
to find themselves sharing a room in a beautiful resort hotel. Their every
need is catered toby a mysterious butler (Jim Carrey). Opening in
conjunction with Walt Disney World's new attraction, Being-and-Nothingness
Land. 

       The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka

       Young Gregor Samsa (Arnold Schwarzenegger), overwhelmed by the
demands of his job as a clerk, wishes each night that he was a creature
without responsibility. He is amazed one morning when he awakes to find
himself changed into a beautiful beetle, which delights his family and
terrifies his cruel boss (Jerry Seinfeld), who is horribly afraid of
insects. Jiminy Cricket guides young Gregor to a happy community of
insects that nest below the dull city of Prague. 

       Oedipus Rex by Sophocles

       Thanks to the advice of a wise old owl (Sally Kellerman), a young
boy (Neil Patrick Harris) avoids many traps set by the evil fates (Candice
Bergen, Cybill Shepard, and Mary Tyler Moore) to help save Greece from
disaster. The boy, who was stolen from his family at birth, is finally
reunited with his loving mother (Barbara Streisand) and father (Bill
Cosby). 

       Waiting for Godot by Samuel Beckett

       Vladimir and Estragon (the delightful Chip 'n' Dale) wait for Godot
(Rush Limbaugh), who arrives with limitless presents and makes all their
dreams come true.