Medieval Pick-Up Lines *Hey, Princess, you wouldn`t happen to know where a lonely knight could scabbard his sword, would you? -- *Been there, slain that. -- *Your hovel or mine? -- *Pestilence makes the heart go wander. -- *Pardon me, madam, but wouldeth thou like to see my longsword in action? *Every second of every hour of every day is like a thousand knives of fire stabbing me in the heart. I long for thee incessantly, so much that mine sorrow seems without surcease. My alliteration is small comfort next to the warm gaze of thine azure eyes. I crave the comfort of thine embrace like some lost child cold and alone in the dark....So, you wanna !@£$% ???-- *You wanna go upstairs and see my Holy Grail? -- *I like the cut of your jib. -- *If I were that horse, I`d rather you mounted me without the saddle. -- *Wizard: You know, my hat isn`t the only thing that`s pointed. -- *Thy breastplate is wondrous! Wouldst thou hold my polearm whilst I attempt to light thy fire? -- *Dost thou practice safe hex? -- *Dost thou know? That chastity belt of yours would look great on my sleeping chambers floor. -- *I had to swim the moat to get to you fair maiden. So, would you like to see my breaststroke? -- *Wench: what`s that sound? Knight: that`s just the sound of my chain mail drawers expanding.-- *Thou hast hit on me harder than the black plague! -- *Why don`t we go back to my place and re-enact "The Miller`s Tale?" -- *You won`t believe this but St. George just appeared to me in a vision and told me that I must bed you...the fate of England depends is on it!! -- *Ever see a passion play? Would you like to? -- *Don`t believe the rumors you heard about me . . . the Bubonic plague didn`t affect the important parts. -- *Like a mare, I can be ridden for hours. -- *How, you ask, did I get up here to your balcony? Well, I espied you from yonder garden. In an instant my er, heart was swelled with lus.. er, love. I had to meet you! So I ranneth over but tripped on a stone thusly pole-vaulting into your arms. -- *I`ve been VERY NAUGHTY. You`ll have to put me in the stocks and...er... PUNISH me, now won`t you? -- *C`mon, sweetie...Didn`t your mother ever tell you? A cleric a day keeps the black plague away. -- *I lost my leg in battle. Guess what I`m walking on! -- *Yes, fair maiden, I am indeed a wizard. Shall I make your clothes disappear? -- *I`m really a prince cursed by an evil witch. Tell me, do you have sex with frogs? -- *My! But you are a beautiful damsel in distress! Allow me to help you out of it. -- *What a fine gown you wear, my lady. Perchance couldst I talk you out of it? -- *I seem to have lost my sex slave, can I borrow you for a bit? -- *You know, I was once imprisoned in a tower very much like Repunnzel. Only it wasn`t my hair that the queen asked me to let down. -- *A day just wouldn`t be complete without a Knight. -- *I may not be a priest, but I can get you to heaven, m`lady. -- *What say ye we have our own Norman conquest, lass? -- *Come up to my chamber and I`ll show you the largest treasure in the land. -- *You can place your greeves under my pallet anytime. -- *Hey, big boy, how would you like to help this maiden out of dis-dress? -- *Wanna polish my pike? -- *Ello, milady, thou art under siege. I shall scale thy battlements with mine grappling hook! -- *My Lady, dost thou possess a looking glass in thine bodice? For I may surely see myself within their folds. -- *Has anyone ever told you that you have a lovely wimple? -- *May I show you a fascinating Saracaen ritual I learned while hiding in a harem after Hattin? -- *A world without day is gloomy indeed, but a world without Knight would be pure misery. -- *Milady, it`s not the size of the wand that matters, but the magic within. -- *I have the key to your chastity belt and you have the key to my heart. *Mayest I hose down your doublet? *Your eyes are as dark as a castle moat by midnight. Lower your drawbridge and let me cross. *You should be glad I`m not a Viking. You would have been ravaged and plundered by now. *What`s a nice maiden like you doing in a dungeon like this? *You can scale my battlements any day, madam. *You scratch my boils and I`ll scratch yours. *They don`t call me Lance-A-Lot for nothing, you know. *My that`s a fine set of chalices you have there. *Ssh, I don`t want everyone to know I`m on a secret holy quest. (and finally my favorite one) *When the Inquisition put me on the rack, my limbs weren`t the only thing they stretched.