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  The Titanic, on her maiden voyage, just set sail from the shores of England.
  It was the most magnificent ship ever built, and everybody is very excited. 
  No expense has been spared - the vast dining rooms, casinos, hundreds of 
  neatly groomed waiters and polite service staff, string quartets, the 
  works.
  
  Every night at the bar, they had this magician come on and perform the most
  wonderfully amazing tricks of conjury the world had ever seen. It's the 
  first night of the voyage, and everyone is eager to see this great man at
  work, except there was one slight problem. There was this parrot, who'd sit
  on the bar top by the peanuts, and ruin each trick as the magician performed
  them. Each time, the parrot would sit quietly until the trick was almost 
  completed, and say things like, "Squark! It's up his sleeve!" or "Sqeeek! 
  He's hidden it in the hat!" etc., and ruin the trick for the magician.
  
  Every time, the parrot would do this, and the magician would get madder 
  and madder as the night wore on. 
  
  The same happened on the next night, and the one after that. The magician 
  would shake with fury at this silly parrot ruining his world famous show. 
  He spent his days devising even better and more stupendously amazing tricks
  in an effort to fool this bloody parrot.
  
  One night, the magician is about to perform his greatest trick of the 
  voyage. The lights are dimmed, a hushed silence sweeps across the bar floor,
  a drum roll builds up to a mighty crescendo as the magician performs his 
  final piece de resistance....and suddenly the ship hits an iceberg and 
  sinks...
  
  For three days, the magician manages to cling to a door floating around in
  the wreckage, starving, thirsty. On the third day, he notices at the other
  end of the door, the parrot, sitting calmly and quietly, staring back at 
  him. For three more days the magician just glowers at him, not saying a 
  word - bitter, hushed, resentful, silence.
  
  ...Until one day, the parrot can't contain himself any longer and squarks,
  "Alright! I give up! What have you done with the ship?!"

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